Dear summer, you can piss off now – you’ve been lukewarm at best…

This week began with the aftermath of Charlotteville – Trump’s tacit approval of neo-Nazis and ensuing polarised chaos in every form of media. Most of us try to do our best in life. Most of us cock it up sometimes. Most of us learn from our mistakes. Most of us grow as people. Most of us don’t start reading white supremacist newsletters, buying guns and flags, then hightail it to a rally (or occupation) in a small town.

That given, it was unsettling on the most basic level. To see everything go from awful to FUBAR in mere hours was devastating. It’s difficult to know what to do and it makes me feel guilty when I have to do something humdrum because, as Rick said, “it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”.

Except that we have to function. I’m not wealthy enough to stop working and become a fulltime philanthropist / activist. I have a real job and real kids and real bills and everything else to cope with. In actual fact, this week was a bit flat by normal standards – but a shitload better than that in this new warped reality we inhabit.

Last Friday I was offered free clothes to try on. I thought it was a good omen. Turns out Monday played her ugly hand and everything was horrible. If you want to know about ‘vanity sizing’, let’s just say it exists. I know this because a very well known high street retailer tells me I’m two sizes smaller than I do. I’m a grown woman – I know what size to order.

Let me also say that my faith in shit you can count on is low after the experience. In a box of 7 items of clothing, I would have worn one. One. After a minute of keyboard tapping, I had found an alternative I preferred for less than half the price. Great. That’s a big ‘eff you, Sophie’ from the gods of shopping.

Unlucky for them I was determined and pissed off on Monday so I bought Vogue and looked at Who What Wear and revised my lookbook for A/W 17 with a big old ‘eff you back’. I have to have content and I had to shop online. It was easy to find motivation. Also, easy to find stuff to like this season. Really easy.

The only problem is that the minute I start looking at next season fashion, I basically decide summer is done. What’s the point? I hate the season anyway. It’s crap for my skin and I look better in layers. Me doing this is me saying I’ve given up on hope, I can’t see the point and I just long for the icy embrace of the misery that is my natural climate.

Usually I would find these sentiments depressing but I don’t today. Seriously, who cares? This year has been utterly shit so far. On so many levels. If I don’t wear my bobble hats and stripy gloves soon, I will cry. And, since I can’t really wear them yet, I will shop for them and write about them instead. Hopefully a little dose of hygge will do us all a power of good – because we’ll need as much of that as we can get in the months to come. Maybe even years.

I’ll post about the clothes next week. Today is just a big rant. It has made me realise that I need to live a bit of normal life – with a pinch of taking care of myself and my family – in order to function best. This afternoon I sat with my six year old daughter while she flipped through glossy magazines and told me about jewellery trends for this A/W season. Then we went through my jewellery and put all the things she feels are ‘cohesive’ (she’s been watching too much Project Runway) in a drawer. Everything else went into storage. The process was remarkably soothing. I might do shoes tomorrow.

Make no mistake, I intend to fight. We all need to realise that the personal is political in the present climate. The world’s going to hell in a handcart. I don’t know how to explain that to the little girl who told me that I should look at statement jewellery this afternoon. I don’t shelter my kids usually – but I’ll be fucked before I let them be affected by this fresh hell. I don’t want them exposed to any part of the bigotry and hate that pervades society at the moment.

I’m going to stand for something – and fight if I have to…but not tomorrow. There’s a teddy bears picnic to attend. Have a good weekend, dear readers.

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