I don’t have a bucket list. There I said it…I don’t fear death and I like living life as it comes. To me there is magic in the strangest places and, if I make a list and focus too hard on it, I tend to develop tunnel vision and miss the beauty of life’s scenery.
When you take the train, you have a vacuum of time. You can fill it as you like. We all do something different. I have worked on the train. I prefer to read. Mostly, though, I just like to stare out of the window and watch the world. I think I can say that I like travelling more than I like staying. Perhaps it’s the fact that you can just sit back and absorb the experience. You’re a voyeur of life. All you have to do is observe.
And travel is still exciting. I have taken small planes that land on tarmac you have to cross on foot. Try doing that without feeling like a Golden Age Hollywood film star. It helps if you carry a vanity case – but it’s not essential. I doubt Katherine Hepburn ever did.
Overnight trains are quite wonderful. Travelling from St Petersburg to Moscow in the early 90s felt like Doctor Zhivago – a book I have finished and would definitely recommend! Going from Marseille to Paris first class was straight out of North by North West.
Now, while I don’t have a bucket list, I would love to take the Blue Train with my husband. As inappropriate as this confession may sound, I want to retire to our bunks after lunch and enjoy the effects of the gentle rocking motion upon our closely arranged bodies.
The things I want to do with my time are different now. They’re more day to day. I would love to have time to go swimming regularly – screw learning to dance the tango.
I think what I really want to feel is freedom – to the point of abandonment sometimes. I love my children but they really clipped my wings. I was a social butterfly whose life was mainly filled with shallow interests and devoted almost entirely to the pursuit of happiness. I loved to go out with my friends – planning a party was an almost religious experience for me.
I missed a trick this year. I turned forty and I didn’t get myself organised. I fell into a funk. Total self indulgence on my part – and torture for my friends. Well, this year I’m throwing a massive party. I’m inviting everyone. There will be a theme and I expect guests to abide by the rules of fancy dress! Since I’m going for a Nights At The Circus shebang and dressing as the ringmaster, I will have a legit excuse to carry a whip.
Ultimately, I want to throw just one more outrageous party before I resign myself to intimate kitchen table dinners, work events and lunch dates – as rare and enjoyable as they are. I want one more night where people say ‘Sophie, Sophie, Sophie’ à la Gatsby. In my head, anyway.
Lastly, while I’m reminiscing, I would like to share one of my happiest times with my husband and family. I lived in the south of France when I was younger and the combination of sun and youth meant that the time was one of hedonism and personal discovery. My friends and I were – as the cliché goes – ‘poor but happy’. We drank and danced, laughed and loved – and not necessarily in that order.
I want to spend another summer there. The feel of sun on my collarbones is one that I will never forget. The long, leisurely lunches with friends should happen everywhere.
I would like to enjoy them with my family – to introduce my children to the concept of ‘carefree’ and to drink ‘un Ricard’ with my husband in a bar by Marseille’s vieux port.
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Sophie's Voice 
Can someone get used to family life when her character is more of a social bird? Don`t you miss it? Or this style of life is better than constant shallow relationships?
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I think I was really searching for steadiness and contentment. I certainly couldn’t concentrate on something like this without having a more domesticated life. Mr Sophie’s Voice helps me to concentrate and the girls give me joy.
A little part of me will always be a party girl but she only comes out of hiding occasionally.
Sophie x
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I love your post. I admire you honestly. I like the honesty in your words and the ability that you have to always root for you. It,s like you never get tired. Congratulations, love, for despite your tribulations, it appears that you have a wonderful life.
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I do get tired. I really do. I think I’m a bit of an overachiever and I have a feeling that I’ll never get started again if I stall.
And I’m massively self critical naturally. It’s just that I’ve learnt to suppress that side of me. I’m also a bit of a worrier but things happen and you can’t control everything so it’s a waste of valuable time!
Sophie x
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Wow I think this is the best post I’ve read yet for this challenge. I have to say I myself haven’t got a particularly long bucket list, but I admire your attitude. I think I need to employ it more in my life and learn to enjoy the journey. I find myself being extremely goal orientated and I guess that’s why I had no problem jotting my ‘bucket list’ down. Perhaps I am just young and foolish though, and the more of life that I drink in the more I will learn to let it be. Thanks Sophie x
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Thank you. I frustrate myself sometimes and I should say that – work wise – I am determined. I’m very competitive – my husband won’t play board games with me! – but I compete with myself really. In ‘life’ I’m much more relaxed.
And there’s nothing wrong with being young and foolish. I can be – a glass of red wine too many or the odd speeding ticket. I’m lucky Mr Sophie’s Voice is so sensible!
The most exciting thing is relationships for me – love is life’s greatest adventure!
Sophie x
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Some lovely thoughts
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They’re all about you, babes.
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Awww sophie, this post is lovely, tugged at my heart strings and made me reminisce on my carefree and adventurous spirit of my younger self. I so want to come to that bloody circus party, love a good leather whip and corset! hahahaha
Continue to keep that fire for life, adventure, family and love…xx
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You’re welcome at the party! The more the merrier. I think that we all have a part of us that isn’t ‘everyday’. The inner child, if you will. I think my marriage works because my husband lets me use it in my work.
Thank you, Sophie x
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Your list is beautiful, I love it.
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Thank you!
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What a lovely post. I hope you get to share those memories and concepts with your family, they’ll be all the happier for it x
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That’s a lovely thing to hear. I can’t wait actually!
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