Help! Sometimes I’m the type of mum I hate…

Skimming my Facebook On This Day posts this morning, I spotted this classic from last year –

“To the little shit who tore my daughter’s Easter bonnet apart…
In 20 years time she will come for you. In the silence of the darkest, coldest night.
This is your warning. I hope you spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, you little pissant.
Do not fuck with fashion.”.

At the time my friends took my (perfectly understandable…maybe) reaction with a pinch of salt. Some took the piss, some were upset on Child 1’s behalf, some suspected that I was angry because Easter is my favourite holiday and I love the rigmarole of decorating and the creative activities I get to share with my kids. Perhaps a bit too much. I dismissed that ridiculous theory. After all, what could be more wholesome than a holiday that celebrates spring, rebirth and pastels?

(Easter decorations from 2017)

Then I realised that this is not a new phenomenon with me. A fact I demonstrated in a most ugly fashion this year – when I had a similar reaction to an Easter bonnet that turned up at Child 2’s nursery competition. In my defense, it was blatantly designed and constructed by the competition’s mother.

I argue that I let my daughter make her own millinery because I believe in fostering creativity and teaching children to take responsibility for their own artistic vision…

And also because I am lazy, impatient and shudder at the look and feel of the nylon basketweave that is the standard base for Montessori bonnets.

(Child 1 – aged 2 and a half – wearing her first Easter bonnet, 2014)

Anyway, I am ashamed to say that I may have mentioned in passing (Bianca del Rio style really shady passing) that it was unusually excellent work from a 4 year old…and also that said mum might want to think about an evening class as she clearly has a lot of potential.

Also, I was unusually superior about the fact that helicoptering with ‘homework’ doesn’t prepare children for exam conditions.

Really Sophie? Really? Have an empathy check, sweetheart. The mum in question has two kids – aged 4 and 10 months. She’s still breastfeeding the little one and she left her job as a graphic designer to become a SAHM. A SAHM who’s presently got 15 hours a week ‘off’ – well, with just thel baby. A baby who still thinks of her as a portable kitchen. You can absolutely love breastfeeding and still feel a bit like your baby thinks of you as an on call meal sometimes. In fact, you can lose your sense of self quite easily however you feed your little darling at any time when you’re stuck at home all the time.

It’s not surprising that a woman who loved her job might want to keep her hand in from the safety of her own kitchen – and send her daughter to nursery looking like an adorable topiary trimmed grass head.

Also, preparing kids for exams…from the age of 4? What? What? Get over yourself Sophie, you sanctimonious bint. She’s not a helicopter parent. She’s just not jaded and uninspired. That’s not a bad thing. It’s rather delightful actually.

So what have I learnt? Basically that I should not say anything. Ever. I should just take a breath and let people be better at things than I am. Also that loving a holiday because it’s about hope and renewal should really mean actually being kind and happy for other people’s achievements and, in fact, all good news. Even if it involves a pair of scissors, glue and a shitload of tissue paper. I love those things. I should love that other people do too.

(Easter decorations from 2016)

As a quick post script, I just found this post from 2 years ago –

“Some ‘fun loving’ dickhead keeps turning my Easter door decoration around so that the delightful bunny is showing his backside to everybody that passes by.
Our house looks like it is inhabited by piss taking Easter haters.

Nothing could be further from the truth – I’m not religious but I worship at the altar of all things pretty and cute. That come with the added benefit of chocolate.
What’s not to like?

(Floral arrangement mentioned in text below)

As proof of my commitment to spring, I attach a photo of the floral arrangement which I (honestly) put together myself. Seriously.
It’s an Easter miracle.”.

So why does Easter seem to make me so cranky?

Second lesson learnt: calm the fuck down, Sophie. Try to be an altogether more pleasant person. Like, pastels and baby animals pleasant.

(Easter decorations from 2018)

I think this is the time of year when I should come up with resolutions – and they should be ones that make the lives of other people I encounter just a little bit better too.

In other news, it’s also Passover – my second favourite holiday. I think the story behind it may actually be the one that chimes with me most. It really inspires me to hold onto hope in the worst of circumstances. At this time, in this political climate, I hold it close.
Chag Pesach Sameach, everyone!

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