When you lose your va va voom…

A lot of things have happened lately that have affected the way I interact with the world.
Many of my regular readers will know that I have been ill for a while. It’s a bore for everyone concerned – it’s tiring and demotivating and makes me listless and incapable of focusing.

My energy levels rise and fall in inverse proportion to the level of pain that I feel. External factors affect me more than normal. I’m less patient – and I’m not very patient anyway! Small things become annoying very quickly and my temper is hasty.
For almost a year now I have been waiting for treatment – and watching my career and family life slide at the same time. Because I can’t move as quickly or interact socially as often – or as deftly – as I prefer, I see things pass me by. It’s like being shackled by my traitorous body every single day.
However, since surgery last Wednesday, I have had time to mull over all the things that have happened because of my situation and been able to put everything into perspective.
In actual fact, my career hasn’t gone down the pan. It’s just that the pace of growth has slowed. I’m not happy waiting for anything but I realise now that sometimes you have to suck it up and deal with it.
I’ve managed – and that was a feat in itself. It doesn’t always have to be good – it has to be good enough.

My family are fed, housed, clothed, washed and warm. Maybe homework isn’t in on time and I have had to rely on friends to help with the school run but that’s okay. I never said I was good at it.
I’m still functioning relatively normally. Most of the time, anyway. I have some horror stories but they’re not an everyday occurrence. Not like they are for friends who live with really difficult health conditions.
I have learnt – after 11 months – to practice what I preach. Mostly. I’m not perfect but I know that it’s important to challenge myself but to be realistic. It’s possible to turn down an invitation and still get another one – if you’re gracious and honest every time.
You can still have wonderful friends and be sick. I have certain people in my life who I tried to protect when it came to my health. I wasn’t honest. I went into hiding or I simply ignored them. That’s not acceptable. I have learnt that privacy is not the same as secrecy.
On the other hand, sometimes people who you least expect to be interested rise to the occasion in ways you could never have envisaged. People who are generous with their time and advice. They gave me back faith in humanity.
In short, I have learnt to accept my limitations but not to lose my ambition. Have a glad heart, everybody. Spring is coming. The end of this misery we call winter is only twenty one days away. We’re all going to be just fine.

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